Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
_____
To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
_____
The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
_____
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
_____
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.
_____
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
_____
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
_____
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
_____
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
_____
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
_____
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
_____
42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.
_____
As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
_____
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
_____
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
_____
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
_____
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
_____
If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.
_____
Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
_____
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
_____
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
_____
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
_____
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
_____
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
_____
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
_____
There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
_____
An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
_____
Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
_____
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
_____
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
_____
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
_____
Well done is better than well said .
_____
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
_____
Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.
_____
Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.
_____
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
_____
Destiny is not a matter of chance,It's a matter of choice; It's not a thing to be waited for,It's a thing to be achieved. ~William Jennings Bryan
When you know what you want, and you want it badly enough, you'll find a way to get it. ~Jim Rohn
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. ~ Albert Einstein
The only limits are, as always, those of vision. ~James Broughton
Someone once asked me why do you always insist on taking the hard road? And I replied why do you assume I see two roads?
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. ~ Henry David Thoreau
Argue for your limitations and sure enough they are yours.~ Richard Bach
Adversity cause some men to break; others to break records.
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. ~ William Feather
A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm. ~ Charles Schwab
Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. ~
Joshua J. Marine
The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright
I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. ~ Thomas Jefferson
He is the most unfortunate who's today is not better than yesterday. ~Muhammad (PBUH)
Success can never be controlled, but performance always can. ~John F. Murray
If you are not big enough to lose, you are not big enough to win. ~Walter Reuther
Never stand begging for what you have the power to earn.
There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. ~Phyllis Bottome
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
You always pass failure on the way to success. ~Mickey Rooney
Whenever I hear, 'It can't be done,' I know I'm close to success ~ Michael Flatley
Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value. ~ Jim Rohn
God gives every bird it's food, but does not always drop it into the nest.
Kites rise highest against the wind not with it ~ Sir Winston Churchill
To make yourself exceptional is the biggest achievement of your life.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
******
SCIENTIFIC EXPERTS from around the world are predicting that five years from now, all life on Earth could well come to an end. Some are saying it’ll be humans that would set it off. Others believe that a natural phenomenon will be the cause. And the religious folks are saying it’ll be God himself who would press the stop button. The following are some likely arguments as to why the world would end by the year 2012.
Reason one: Mayan calendar
The first to predict 2012 as the end of the world were the Mayans, a bloodthirsty race that were good at two things -- building highly accurate astrological equipment out of stone and sacrificing virgins.
Thousands of years ago they managed to calculate the length of the lunar moon as 329.53020 days, only 34 seconds out. The Mayan calendar predicts that the earth will end on December 21, 2012. Given that they were pretty close to the mark with the lunar cycle, it’s likely they’ve got the end of the world right as well.
Reason two: Sun storms
Solar experts from around the world monitoring the sun have made a startling discovery. Our sun is in a bit of strife. The energy output of the sun is, like most things in nature, cyclic and it’s supposed to be in the middle of a period of relative stability. However, recent solar storms have been bombarding the earth with lot of radiation energy. It’s been knocking out power grids and destroying satellites. This activity is predicted to get worse and calculations suggest it’ll reach its deadly peak sometime in 2012.
Reason three: The atom smasher
Scientists in Europe have been building the world’s largest particle accelerator. Basically, its a 27 km tunnel designed to smash atoms together to find out what makes the universe tick. However, the mega-gadget has caused serious concern, with some scientists suggesting that it’s properly even a bad idea to turn it on in the first place. They’re predicting all manner of deadly results, including mini black holes. So when this machine is fired up for its first serious experiment in 2012, the world could be crushed into a super-dense blob the size of a basketball.
Reason four: The Bible says it
If having scientists warning us about the end of the world isn’t bad enough, religious folks are getting in on the act as well. Interpretations of the Christian Bible reveal that the date for Armageddon, the final battle between good an evil, has been set for 2012. The I Ching, also known as the Chinese Book of Changes, says the same thing, as do various sections of the Hindu teachings.
Reason five: Super volcano
Yellowstone National Park in United States is famous for its thermal springs and old faithful geyser. The reason for this is simple -- it’s sitting on top of the world’s biggest volcano and geological experts are beginning to get nervous sweats. The Yellowstone volcano has a pattern of erupting every 650,000 years or so, and we’re many years overdue for an explosion that will fill the atmosphere with ash, blocking the sun and plunging the earth into a frozen winter that could last up to 15,000 years. The pressure under the Yellowstone is building steadily, and geologists have set 2012 as a likely date for the big bang.
Reason six: The physicists
This one’s case of bog -- simple maths mathematics. Physicists at Berkely University have been crunching the
They’ve determined that the earth is well overdue for a major catastrophic event. Even worse, they’re claiming that their calculations prove that we’re all going to die, very soon. They are also saying that their prediction comes with a certainty of 99 per cent; and 2012 just happens to be the best guess as to when it occurs.
Reason seven: Earth’s magnetic field
We all know the Earth is surrounded by a magnetic field that shields us from most of the sun’s radiation. What you might not know is that the magnetic poles we call North and South have a nasty habit of swapping places every 750,000 years or so -- and right now we’re about 30,000 years overdue. Scientists have noted that the poles are drifting apart roughly 20-30 kms each year, much faster than ever before, which points to a pole-shift being right around the corner. While the pole shift is under way, the magnetic field is disrupted and will eventually disappear, sometimes for up to 100 years. The result is enough UV outdoors to crisp your skin in seconds, killing everything it touches.
Don't be sad.. we have 3 years to go. nearly 850 days... so enjoy every day...
This particular joke won an award for the best joke competition Organized in Britain:
A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, “You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time.” The man replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I’m here in London. When they left home, we promised that we’ll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss.”
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs.... “Oh, no,” he, said, “Everyone’s fine - both my brothers are alive”. The only thing is I just quit drinking...!!!
A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it. Often happens in life
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.
My Dearest Reshma,
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options (a)10 marks,
(b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks.
1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really … am I doing it?
2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile
3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song
4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know
5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know
6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded
7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them
I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose
9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 AM because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual
If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay
in expressing it. If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is
budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have
scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..
love,
Aakash
——————————–
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format.
Aakash,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.
1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes
(b) No
2) If a girls laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes
(b) No
3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not ?
(a) Yes
(b) No
4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo. You poked your nose inside, right ?
(a) Yes
(b) No
5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes
(b) No
6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a) Yes
(b) No
7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes
(b) No
You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes
(b) No
9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know?
(a) Yes
(b) No
If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not lovingyou. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.
Hope everything is clear to you.
Reshma
Without the cage you wouldn’t stand a chance swimming with a massive saltwater crocodile. But for brave punters who still want to get cosy with a feisty croc, a new Australian tourist attraction is offering the chance for a close encounter in the safety of a clear acrylic box dubbed the ‘cage of death’.
Just 4cm of acrylic, a pair of goggles and a swimsuit, will separate thrill-seekers from the jaws of Choppa, a saltwater crocodile.
The cage has no bars, unlike cages used in shark dives, which prevents the reptiles from gripping on but deep teeth scratches are visible on the sides, deterring some hesitant participants.
Top End tourists climb into the clear box before being lowered into Choppa’s lair. They then spend 15 minutes inside the 9ft high cage and watch Choppa, who lost both front feet while fighting other crocodiles, trying to take a bite out of them.
The attraction at Crocosaurus Cove in the heart of the city of Darwin in the Northern Territory has been given high marks by adrenaline-junkies.
Saltwater crocodiles, known locally as "salties," are the largest crocodile species, with the males growing up to 19.6ft long and weighing up to 2,204lbs.
1. Afrikaans - Ek is lief vir jou
2. Albanian - te dua
3. Arabic - Ana Ahebak / Ana Bahibak
4. Arabic (to the female) - Bahebbek
5. Arabic (to the male) - Bahebbak
6. Armenian - yes kez shat em siroom
7. Assyr - Az tha hijthmekem
8. Bahasa Malayu (Malaysia) - Saya cinta mu
9. Bangla - Ami tomakay bala basi
10. Bavarian - tuI mog di
11. Bosnian - Ja te volim (formally) or volim-te Turkish seni seviyorum
12. Bulgarian - Obicham te
13. Cambodian (to the male) - oun saleng bon
14. Cambodian (to the female) - bon saleng oun
15. Cantonese - Ngo oi ney
16. Croatia - Volim te
17. Czech - Miluji Te
18. Danish - Jeg elsker dig
19. Dutch - Ik hou van jou
20. English - I love you
21. Esperanto - Mi amas vim
22. Estonian - Ma armastan sind / Mina armastan sind (formal)
23. Ethiopia - afekereshe alhu
24. Finnish - Minä rakastan sinua
25. Flemish (Ghent) - 'k'ou van ui
26. French - Je t'aime
27. Gaelic - Tá mé i ngrá leat
28. Georgian - Miquar shen
29. German - Ich liebe Dich
30. Greek - agapo se
31. Greek - S'agapo
32. Gujarati - oo tane prem karu chu
33. Hawaiian - Aloha au ia'oe
34. Hebrew - Ani ohevet ota
35. Hebrew fem. Plural - Ani ohav etkhen
36. Hebrew fem. sing. - Ani ohav otakh
37. Hebrew masc. or mixed plural - Ani ohav etkhem
38. Hebrew masc. sing. - Ani ohaw otkha
39. Hindi - Main tumsey pyaar karta hoon / Maine Pyar Kiya
40. Hungarian - Szeretlek
41. Icelandic - Eg elska thig
42. Indonesian - Aku Cinta Kamu
43. Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
44. Italian - Ti amo/Ti voglio bene
45. Japanese - Anata wa, dai suki desu
46. Japanese - Sukiyo Javanese (formal) - Kulo tresno marang panjenengan
47. Javanese (informal) - aku terno kowe
48. Kenya (Kalenjin) - Achamin
49. Kenya (Kiswahili) - Ninakupenda
50. Korean - SA LANG HAE / Na No Sa Lan Hei
51. Kurdish - Khoshtm Auyt
52. Laos - Chanrackkun
53. Latin - Te amo
54. Latvian - Es mîlu Tevi
55. Lebanese - Bahibak
56. Lithuanian - As Myliu Tave
57. Macedonian - Jas Te Sakam
58. Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Saya cinta mu
59. Maltese - Inhobbok hafna
60. Mandarin - Wo ai ni
61. Nigeria (Hausa) - Ina sonki
62. Nigeria (Yoruba langauge) - Mo fe ran re
63. Norwegian - Jeg elsker deg
64. Pakistan (Urdu) - May tum say pyar karta hun
65. Persian - Tora Doost Darem
66. Pig Latin - I-yea Ove-lea Ou-yea
67. Polish - Kocham Cie
68. Portuguese (Brazilian) - Eu te amo
69. Portuguese (Continental) - Eu amo-te
70. Punjabi - me tumse pyar ker ta hu'
71. Romanian - Te iubesc
72. Russian - Ya tyebya lyublyu
73. Scottish Gaelic - 'S tough leam ort
74. Serbian (accent 'O') - Volim te
75. Serbo-Croatian - Volim te
76. Sign language - Spread hand out so no fingers are touching. Bring in middle & ring fingers and touch then to the palm of your hand.
77. Slovak - Lubim ta
78. Slovenian - ljubim te
79. South Sotho - Ke o Rata
80. Spanish - Te quiero / te amo / yo amor
81. Sri Lanka - Mama oyata aadareyi
82. Swahili - Naku penda
83. Swedish - Jag älskar dig
84. Swiss German - Ch-ha di gärn
85. Tagalong - Mahal Kita / Iniibig kita
86. Tamil - Naan Unnai Khadalikkeren
87. Telugu - Nenu Ninnu Premisthunnanu
88. Thai - Khao Raak Thoe / chun raak ter
89. Thai (affectionate, sweet, loving) - Khao raak thoe
90. Thailand - chun luk ter
91. Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
92. Ukrainian - Yalleh blutebeh / ya tebe kohayu
93. Urdu (to a girl) - Mea tum se pyaar karta hu
94. Urdu (to a boy) - Mea tum se pyar karti hu
95. Vietnamese - Toi yeu em
96. Vietnamese (Females) - Em yeu Anh
97. Vietnamese (Males) - Anh yeu Em
98. Welsh - Rwy'n dy garu di
99. Zambia (Chibemba) - Nali ku temwa
100. Zimbabwe - Ndinokuda
101. Zulu - Mina funani wena
1) If you throw your clothes all over the place, you are a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You are free with your thoughts and opinions, not caring much about what others think of you. Your parents might think your room looks like a cyclone hit it? But it actually represents your happy, individualistic nature!
2) If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a serious person who likes his/her life to be very calm. You are comfortable with routine, and you believe that the best way to deal with life's problems is to prevent them in the first place. You are a perfectionist. By nature you are quite shy. You are observant and you know more about some people than they think, just because you've watched them. You are dependable and sometimes intense. You think carefully before making decisions. You go about your tasks methodically, with concentration. You know how to pay attention.
3) If you take off the shirt, and ten minutes later get around to the pants, you are an extremely self-confident person. You are naturally bright and intellectual. You are also a deep thinker who loves to ask questions and ponder the meaning of things. You hate being rushed and you do not like to be hassled. Usually you like a lot of free time for yourself.
4) If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are concerned about others and what they expect from you, but you're worried about your own needs. You are family-oriented, and stay extremely busy. You often feel stressed, but most of those heavy expectations come from your own head! Give yourself a break; you don't have to be perfect.
5) If you take off your rings, earrings, necklace, watch before anything else, you are a warm and sensitive person. You are considerate and thoughtful, and you give good advice to your friends. You are a natural born romantic.
6) If you don't have an undressing routine and you never do it the same way twice, you are a very curious and interesting person. You enjoy a broad range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure. You are very social.
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift..
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager..
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not..'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the
turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy..'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut
Rabri Devi died and was brought to god for judgment.
As she stood in front of Angel, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.
Rabri: What are all those clocks?
Angel: Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.
Rabri: Oh... Who's clock is that?
Angel: That is Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.
Rabri: Whose is that other one?
Angel: That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only lied twice in his entire life.
Rabri: Where's my Laloo's clock?
Angel: Laloo's clock is in my office. I'm actually using it as a fan in my office.
Logos play a pivotal role in an business. An organization gets pride in showcasing itself through logo and usually thats how it gets its marketing through branding !
Its amazing to see the below two business giants logos (Pepsi & Coca Cola) ...An interesting way to look at branding & popularity !
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing, there were 3 finalists: two men and one woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!"
The man said, "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out
with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can’t kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. They heard shots, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL: If you want the job done, give it to a woman.
On August 7 , 2009
At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year, the time and date will be
12:34:56 07/08/09
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
This will never happen in your life again ? ? ! ! ! !
Santa: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Santa: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Banta built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled?
When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that's for those who don't know Swimming.
Banta: I think that girl is deaf.
Friend: How do u know?
Banta: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals (Shoes) are new
Santa: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Santa: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Banta to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Santa: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
Santa in airplane going to Bombay . While its landing he was excited and shouted: " Bombay … Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Santa: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
Banta got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"
Banta replied: "I Mr. YOU" !!.
After finishing MBBS Banta Singh started his practice.
He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears with a Torch & Finally Said: "Oye, Torch is okay"
Review these typical interview questions and think about how you would answer them. Read the questions listed; you will also find some strategy suggestions with it.
1. Tell me about yourself?
Ans : The most often asked question in interviews. You need to have a short statement prepared in your mind. Be careful that it does not sound rehearsed. Limit it to work-related items unless instructed otherwise. Talk about things you have done and jobs you have held that relate to the position you are interviewing for. Start with the item farthest back and work up to the present.
2. Why did you leave your last job?
Ans: Stay positive regardless of the circumstances. Never refer to a major problem with management and never speak ill of supervisors, co-workers or the organization. If you do, you will be the one looking bad. Keep smiling and talk about leaving for a positive reason such as an opportunity, a chance to do something special or other forward-looking reasons.
3. What experience do you have in this field?
Ans: Speak about specifics that relate to the position you are applying for. If you do not have specific experience, get as close as you can.
4. Do you consider yourself successful?
Ans:You should always answer yes and briefly explain why. A good explanation is that you have set goals, and you have met some and are on track to achieve the others.
5. What do co-workers say about you?
Ans: Be prepared with a quote or two from co-workers. Either a specific statement or a paraphrase will work. Jill Clark, a co-worker at Smith Company, always said I was the hardest workers she had ever known. It is as powerful as Jill having said it at the interview herself.
6. What do you know about this organization?
This question is one reason to do some research on the organization before the interview. Find out where they have been and where they are going. What are the current issues and who are the major players?
7. What have you done to improve your knowledge in the last year?
Try to include improvement activities that relate to the job. A wide variety of activities can be mentioned as positive self-improvement. Have some good ones handy to mention.
8. Are you applying for other jobs?
Be honest but do not spend a lot of time in this area. Keep the focus on this job and what you can do for this organization. Anything else is a distraction.
9. Why do you want to work for this organization?
This may take some thought and certainly, should be based on the research you have done on the organization. Sincerity is extremely important here and will easily be sensed. Relate it to your long-term career goals.
10. Do you know anyone who works for us?
Be aware of the policy on relatives working for the organization. This can affect your answer even though they asked about friends not relatives. Be careful to mention a friend only if they are well thought of.
11. What is your Expected Salary? A loaded question. A nasty little game that you will probably lose if you answer first. So, do not answer it. Instead, say something like, That's a tough question. Can you tell me the range for this position? In most cases, the interviewer, taken off guard, will tell you. If not, say that it can depend on the details of the job. Then give a wide range.
12. Are you a team player?
You are, of course, a team player. Be sure to have examples ready. Specifics that show you often perform for the good of the team rather than for yourself are good evidence of your team attitude. Do not brag, just say it in a matter-of-fact tone. This is a key point.
13. How long would you expect to work for us if hired?
Specifics here are not good. Something like this should work: I'd like it to be a long time. Or As long as we both feel I'm doing a good job.
14. Have you ever had to fire anyone?
How did you feel about that? This is serious. Do not make light of it or in any way seem like you like to fire people. At the same time, you will do it when it is the right thing to do. When it comes to the organization versus the individual who has created a harmful situation, you will protect the organization. Remember firing is not the same as layoff or reduction in force.
15. What is your philosophy towards work?
The interviewer is not looking for a long or flowery dissertation here. Do you have strong feelings that the job gets done? Yes. That's the type of answer that works best here. Short and positive, showing a benefit to the organization.
16. If you had enough money to retire right now, would you?
Answer yes if you would. But since you need to work, this is the type of work you prefer. Do not say yes if you do not mean it.
17. Have you ever been asked to leave a position?
If you have not, say no. If you have, be honest, brief and avoid saying negative things about the people or organization involved.
18. Explain how you would be an asset to this organization?
You should be anxious for this question. It gives you a chance to highlight your best points as they relate to the position being discussed. Give a little advance thought to this relationship.
19. Why should we hire you?
Point out how your assets meet what the organization needs. Do not mention any other candidates to make a comparison.
20. Tell me about a suggestion you have made?
Have a good one ready. Be sure and use a suggestion that was accepted and was then considered successful. One related to the type of work applied for is a real plus.
21. What irritates you about co-workers?
This is a trap question. Think real hard but fail to come up with anything that irritates you. A short statement that you seem to get along with folks is great.
22. What is your greatest strength?
Numerous answers are good, just stay positive. A few good examples: Your ability to prioritize, Your problem-solving skills, Your ability to work under pressure, Your ability to focus on projects, Your professional expertise, Your leadership skills, Your positive attitude.
23. Tell me about your dream job?
Stay away from a specific job. You cannot win. If you say the job you are contending for is it, you strain credibility. If you say another job is it, you plant the suspicion that you will be dissatisfied with this position if hired. The best is to stay genetic and say something like: A job where I love the work, like the people, can contribute and can't wait to get to work.
24. Why do you think you would do well at this job?
Give several reasons and include skills, experience and interest.
25. What are you looking for in a job?
See answer # 23
26. What kind of person would you refuse to work with?
Do not be trivial. It would take disloyalty to the organization, violence or lawbreaking to get you to object. Minor objections will label you as a whiner.
27. What is more important to you: the money or the work?
Money is always important, but the work is the most important. There is no better answer.
28. What would your previous supervisor say your strongest point is?
There are numerous good possibilities: Loyalty, Energy, Positive attitude, Leadership, Team player, Expertise, Initiative, Patience, Hard work, Creativity, Problem solver.
29. Tell me about a problem you had with a supervisor?
Biggest trap of all. This is a test to see if you will speak ill of your boss. If you fall for it and tell about a problem with a former boss, you may well below the interview right there. Stay positive and develop a poor memory about any trouble with a supervisor.
30. What has disappointed you about a job?
Don't get trivial or negative. Safe areas are few but can include: Not enough of a challenge. You were laid off in a reduction Company did not win a contract, which would have given you more responsibility.
31. Tell me about your ability to work under pressure.
You may say that you thrive under certain types of pressure. Give an example that relates to the type of position applied for.
32. Do your skills match this job or another job more closely?
Probably this one. Do not give fuel to the suspicion that you may want another job more than this one.
33. What motivates you to do your best on the job?
This is a personal trait that only you can say, but good examples are: Challenge, Achievement, Recognition
34. Are you willing to work overtime? Nights? Weekends?
This is up to you. Be totally honest.
35. How would you know you were successful on this job?
Several ways are good measures: You set high standards for yourself and meet them. Your outcomes are a success. Your boss tell you that you are successful
36. Would you be willing to relocate if required?
You should be clear on this with your family prior to the interview if you think there is a chance it may come up. Do not say yes just to get the job if the real answer is no. This can create a lot of problems later on in your career. Be honest at this point and save yourself future grief.
37. Are you willing to put the interests of the organization ahead of your own?
This is a straight loyalty and dedication question. Do not worry about the deep ethical and philosophical implications. Just say yes.
38. Describe your management style ?
Try to avoid labels. Some of the more common labels, like progressive, salesman or consensus, can have several meanings or descriptions depending on which management expert you listen to. The situational style is safe, because it says you will manage according to the situation, instead of one size fits all.
39. What have you learned from mistakes on the job?
Here you have to come up with something or you strain credibility. Make it small, well intentioned mistake with a positive lesson learned. An example would be working too far ahead of colleagues on a project and thus throwing coordination off.
40. Do you have any blind spots?
Trick question. If you know about blind spots, they are no longer blind spots. Do not reveal any personal areas of concern here. Let them do their own discovery on your bad points. Do not hand it to them.
41. If you were hiring a person for this job, what would you look for?
Be careful to mention traits that are needed and that you have.
42. Do you think you are overqualified for this position?
Regardless of your qualifications, state that you are very well qualified for the position.
43. How do you propose to compensate for your lack of experience?
First, if you have experience that the interviewer does not know about, bring that up: Then, point out (if true) that you are a hard working quick learner.
44. What qualities do you look for in a boss?
Be generic and positive. Safe qualities are knowledgeable, a sense of humor, fair, loyal to subordinates and holder of high standards. All bosses think they have these traits.
45. Tell me about a time when you helped resolve a dispute ?
between others. Pick a specific incident. Concentrate on your problem solving technique and not the dispute you settled.
46. What position do you prefer on a team working on a project?
Be honest. If you are comfortable in different roles, point that out.
47. Describe your work ethic?
Emphasize benefits to the organization. Things like, determination to get the job done and work hard but enjoy your work are good.
48. What has been your biggest professional disappointment?
Be sure that you refer to something that was beyond your control. Show acceptance and no negative feelings.
49. Tell me about the most fun you have had on the job.
Talk about having fun by accomplishing something for the organization.
50. Do you have any questions for me?
Always have some questions prepared. Questions prepared where you will be an asset to the organization are good. How soon will I be able to be productive? and What type of projects will I be able to assist on? are examples.
And Finally Best of Luck Hope you will be successful in the interview you are going to face in coming days.
