Tuesday, December 30, 2008

MIND GAME

2% or 98%

This is strange...can you

Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

* There's no trick or surprise.

* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.
* Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something.)

































Think of a number from 1 to 10














































Multiply that number by 9
















































If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together












































Now subtract 5















































Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with

(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)













































Think of a country that starts with that letter.










































Remember the last letter of the name of that country.
















































Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.
















































Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.















































Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.
























































Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?





I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

21st Century.... We are becoming lesser by the day

21st Century....

We are becoming lesser by the day

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very Very less

Thursday, December 18, 2008

MusT SEE


I know that you have seen this gentleman. Its Albert Einstein.

But just get up and go 15 feet away from the monitor

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The picture has become Marilyn Manroe

Amazin !

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Impact of Crisis in IT Employee’s Family

Sekar (Calling his family from Amsterdam): Good Evening Mom and Dad. Where is my wife Sheela?

Dad: Just now I called her. She is on the way to home after taking our grandson Rahul from his school.

Sekar: Let us wait for her few minutes and we will start this discussion.
(By the time Sheela entered in to the house.. Sekar continue the meeting)

I hope you know the Agenda of the meeting which I had mentioned in the meeting request. Even though let me read out the agenda once again
1. Status update/Discussion on Last Week Action Items
2. Family Strategy
2. Rahul’s Education
3. Medical Insurance for Mom and Dad

I hope every one have the printout of last week MOM (Minutes of Meeting).
Dear Mom can you please update the status of tasks which you are taking care of?

Mom: Sekar, I am taking care of kitchen module which involves making products like Sambar, Rasam, Curd Rice, Vegetable Biriyani.I am not comfortable in handling the tools for making Non Vegetarian products. You suggest some training in Hlite. However after making these products, I am giving to your Dad for Acceptance testing. Once he satisfied with the quality of taste, we pass it to Dining Hall. One more thing, I would like to share with you. As you have suggested during my appraisal discussion, now I have stopped crying while watching mega serials in TV

Sekar: Sounds Good.

Sekar: Now coming to Dad. Dad can you please update us?

Dad: Yes. My dear son. I have completed my tasks by paying the current bill and phone bill with in time.

Sekar: That’s good

Dad: But I couldn’t pay the premium amount of 9200.00 of the LIC plan which you had taken for tax reduction purpose.

Sekar: It doesn’t look nice dad. I have sent you the amount already and given clear instructions.
Can you explain to me what went wrong?

Dad: On Tuesday night suddenly one of our team mate (your mom) fell down on the floor when she was running to catch Rahul. Then we took her to hospital and spent that amount for her medical expenses.

Mom: Sekar, I would like to add on what your Dad said, that was true. I got heavy injury in my legs and I was in hospital for two days. So now we don’t have money to pay for the premium.

Sekar: Sheela..! Would you aware of this? As a home lead, I expect you to track these issues and send it to me on daily basis. What are you doing (With stress on ‘doing’) after coming from college?

Sheela: Will do it Sekar. You know that the college, I am working is very far from our home. Every day I come back home at 6 pm and sit with Rahul for assisting him for doing his home work.

Sekar: Ok. Coming to second Agenda point .Due to this financial crisis we need to change the strategy of running our family. I am looking for your cooperation in the following cost cutting activities. I want to see the cost benefit of 40 % in this month budget after implementing this
  1. Asking servant maid to leave her job
  2. Stop ordering Pizzas for dinner
  3. Avoid Tooth paste and use Neem sticks/Banyan Tree Sticks
  4. Switch on TV only for watching Sunday Movie and Friday Oliyum Ozhiyum(Well known program for film songs in Podigai TV)
  5. Wise to listen news from our near by portion when they watch news in TV
  6. Every Saturday visit our relative’s homes and spend the whole day including break fast, lunch and Dinner
  7. Don’t invite anybody to our home. Sunday our relatives might come to our house. Just lock the door outside and do your work inside silently.
  8. Everybody assemble in adjacent street Perumal temple on Sunday for breakfast. They provide ‘Pongal’ as ‘prasadam’ which is good in taste
  9. Sheela stop going for gym and Yoga class. Use Attural (Made up of Stone for making Dosa /idly dough), Ammikal (Replacement of Mixie) instead of grinder and Mixie. Mom please give KT to Sheela about this.
  10. Don’t buy excess of things and store it in Fridge. Use big Mud pots for cool water.
  11. Everybody go to bed early around 6:30 pm. Ask Rahul to do his homework when he comes back from school immediately during the hours sunlight is available. If not ask him to read under street light. He will become like Lincoln (Former US President) one day.
  12. Use as much of cycle for transportation to near by places(It will help you to reduce fat and Cholesterol content)
  13. I know you are eager to watch latest release ‘Vaaranam Aayiram’. Don’t plan for that. Wail till next year Diwali to watch the same movie in Kalaignar TV
If you have any clarifications contact Sheela@kitchen

Coming to second Agenda point. Sheela, can you please update me about Rahul’s Education. In which standard he is studying? Whether he got any double promotion? He was writing annual exam for third standard when I was leaving for Amsterdam.

Sheela: Sekar, I am bit worrying about his education. I have tracked his efforts, schedule in our OHM+ tool. I found 20 % in Effort variance and 35 % in schedule deviation. His learning curve goes down in the control chart which you can see in the report, I have sent you yesterday.

Sekar: Thanks for your measurements. I will review the report and we will discuss it on next week’s call. I have a client meeting now. So we will discuss the third agenda item next week. Mom and Dad.. can you please drop out from the call. I wanted to talk to Sheela about few personal things and Dad, don’t forget to circulate the MOM to every one.

Sheela: Hello Sekar..

Sheela: Hello…Hello…

Sheela: Hello…


Sunday, December 14, 2008

HR Manager Wrote Love Letter to his Girlfriend !!!

Ever wondered how a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girlfriend?



Dearest Ms. Anjali

Sub: Offer of love!

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 20th of October (Thursday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 19th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take! up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

HR Manager

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Some new Jokes

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train
to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

~~~~~~

A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, 'Order,
order.'
The drunkard immediately responded, 'Thank you, your honor, I'll have
a scotch and soda.'

~~~~~~~

Man Quits Smoking Because Of Will Power.
He Quits Drinking Because Of Will Power.
But He Quits Womanizing Because He Has The Will But No Power.

~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter ?

~~~~~~

Little Susie came running into the house after school one
day,shouting,
'Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!'
'That's great, Sweetheart,' said her daddy.
'Come in to the living room and tell me about it.'
'Well,' began the confession, 'I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and
20 in science.'

~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

~~~~~~

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

~~~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

~~~~~~~

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

~~~~~~~~

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

~~~~~~~~~

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

~~~~~~~

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game
went into extra time.

~~~~~~~

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
' How long has what been going on?' said the man.

~~~~~~~

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.

~~~~~~~~


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

~~~~~~~~

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two
days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

~~~~~~~

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing
an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into
earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies
sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods
him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

Monday, December 8, 2008

New HR Rules

1. DRESS CODE:

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.


2. SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


3. SURGERY:

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.


4. PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.


5. VACATION DAYS:

All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1, July 4, and December 25.


6. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for deceased friends, relatives, or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your work is done.


7. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.


8. RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going once each day, in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.


9. LUNCH BREAK:

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Brain Teasers

Teaser #1:
Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world?
.
.
.
Teaser #2:
When you need it you throw it away, when you don't need it you take it in.
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.
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Teaser #3:
Cathy has six pairs of black gloves and six pairs of brown gloves in her drawer. In complete darkness, how many gloves must she take from the drawer in order to be sure to get a pair that match? Think carefully!!
.
.
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Teaser #4:
If you can buy eight eggs for 26 cents, how many can you buy for a cent and a quarter?
.
.
.
Teaser #5:
What kind of tables have no legs?
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.
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Teaser #6:
What is the first thing you do every morning?
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.
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Teaser #7:
A brick weighs a pound and half a brick. How many pounds do two bricks weigh?
.
.
.
Teaser #8:
How long is a rope that is 2 yards shorter than another rope that is three times the length of the first rope?
.
.
.
Teaser #9:
What is greater than god, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it you will eventually die?
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Teaser #10:
As long as I eat, I live. When I drink, I die
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Answer #1:
Mount Everest has always been the tallest mountain, even before being discovered!

Answer #2:
A ship's anchor

Answer #3:
13. She could possibly take out 6 black left hand gloves and then 6 brown left hand gloves, the next one would have to be either the right hand or left hand match.

Answer #4:
Eight Eggs

Answer #5:
Timetable & Multiplication Table

Answer #6:
Wake Up

Answer #7:
2 bricks weigh 2 lbs and a whole brick, therefore 2 bricks weigh 4 lbs.

Answer #8:
If the length of the rope + 2 yards = 3 times the length of the rope, then the rope is 1 yard long.

Answer #9:
The word "Nothing".

Answer #10:
Fire

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Funny Facts !

Here are some interesting, but true facts, that you may or may not have known.

#############################################


The Statue of Liberty's index finger is eight feet long

============================================

Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile

============================================

A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.

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A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.(the Wright brother's invented the airplane)

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There are as many chickens on earth as there are humans.

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One type of hummingbird weighs less than a penny

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The word "set " has the most number of definitions in the English language;192

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Slugs have four noses

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Sharks can live up to 100 years

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Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.

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Kangaroos can't walk backwards

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About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. Everyday

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The largest recorded snowflake was 15in wide and 8in thick. It fell in Montana in 1887

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The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that the sound it makes is actually a tiny sonic boom.

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Former president Bill Clinton only sent 2 emails in his entire 8 year presidency

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Koalas and humans are the only animals that have finger prints

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There are 200,000,000 insects for every one human

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It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery had in it to begin with.

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The world's largest Montessori school is in India, with 26,312 students in 2002

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Octopus have three hearts

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If you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange

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The average person spends two weeks waiting for a traffic light to change.

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1 in 2,000,000,000 people will live to be 116 or old

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The body has 2-3 million sweat glands

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Sperm whales have the biggest brains; 20 lbs

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Tiger shark embroyos fight each other in their mother's womb. The survivor is born.

============================================

Most cats are left pawed

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250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa

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A Blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant

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You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!

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Bamboo can grow up to 3 ft in 24 hours

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An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce

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Bone is five times stronger than steel.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Mr. Santa applying to a medical school

Have you heard of Mr. Santa applying to a medical school to become a doctor?

Needless to say he never made it. You know why?


These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - The study of the paintings.

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.

Caesarean section - a district in Rome.

Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.

Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.

Chronic - neck of a crow.

Coma - punctuation mark.

Cortisone - area around local court.

Cyst - short for sister.

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana.

Dislocation - in this place.

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.

Enema - not a friend.

Fake labour - pretending to work.

Genes - blue denim.

Hernia - she is close by.

Impotent - distinguished/ well known.

Labour pain - hurt at work.

Lactose - people without toes.

Lymph - walk unsteadily.

Microbes - small dressing gown.

Obesity - city of Obe.

. Pacemaker - winner of Nobel peace prize.

Proteins - in favour of teens.

Pulse - grain.

Pus - small cat.

Red blood count - Dracula.

Secretion - hiding anything.

Tablet - small table.

Ultrasound - radical noise.

Urine - opposite of you're out.
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