Monday, January 31, 2011

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.


LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.


LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.


LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.


BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.


LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!


LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.


LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

JakPak: The coat that turns into a tent

The makers say their latest design 'creates an instant dry habitat that is ideal for outdoor sports enthusiasts, people living in areas prone to natural disaster, sports fans who will not be held back by a little rain, and anyone else in need of shelter.'

Billed as the 'world’s first all-in-one waterproof jacket, sleeping bag and tent' the JakPak looks more like a bodybag found in an opening scene of the CSI TV series.

While the jacket that opens out into a tent may win a few awards for ingenuity it is unlikely to be heralded for its style. Particularly as it comes in two-tone green or black unless you opt for a custom-made colour.

But the £163 jacket, which goes on sale this spring, does have its fans, and on the firm's Twitter page one wrote: 'A clever all-in-one jacket, sleeping bag and tent. Great for those likely to get lost?'

JakPak's website says: 'JakPak is the only portable personal sleeping system on the market designed for outdoors and sports enthusiasts, as well as emergency preparedness.'

More than just a coat ... The waterproof can be turned into a one-man 'tent'

Ahh, this looks like a good spot to rest my head. The model unfolds the sleeping bag from the back of the coat

After unzipping it he clambers in and then fastens it. Behind the coat's hood is another hood which when supported by metal rods provides protection for the head

A mosquito net folds out, and now time for some shut-eye

Sunday, January 23, 2011

REAL-LIFE SUPERHEROES: 10 People with Incredible Abilities

With so many superhero movies around, such as Spiderman or Hulk, we are used to see people with special abilities in fiction. But people with amazing abilities actually do exist in real life; here's a list of 10 of the most amazing of these people!

1. The Incredible Brain (Daniel Tammet)

Daniel Paul Tammet is a British high-functioning autistic savant gifted with a facility for mathematical calculations, sequence memory, and natural language learning. He was born with congenital childhood epilepsy. Experiencing numbers as colors or sensations is a well-documented form of synesthesia, but the detail and specificity of Tammet's mental imagery of numbers is unique. In his mind, he says, each number up to 10,000 has its own unique shape and feel, that he can "see" results of calculations as landscapes, and that he can "sense" whether a number is prime or composite. He has described his visual image of 289 as particularly ugly, 333 as particularly attractive, and pi as beautiful. Tammet not only verbally describes these visions, but also creates artwork, particularly watercolor paintings, such as his painting of Pi.

Tammet holds the European record for memorising and recounting pi to 22,514 digits in just over five hours. He also speaks a variety of languages including English, French, Finnish, German, Spanish, Lithuanian, Romanian, Estonian, Icelandic, Welsh and Esperanto. He particularly likes Estonian, because it is rich in vowels. Tammet is creating a new language called Mänti. Tammet is capable of learning new languages very quickly. To prove this for the Channel Five documentary, Tammet was challenged to learn Icelandic in one week. Seven days later he appeared on Icelandic television conversing in Icelandic, with his Icelandic language instructor saying it was "not human."

2. The Boy with Sonar Vision (Ben Underwood)

Ben Underwoodtaught is blind, both of his eyes were removed (cancer) when he was 3. Yet, he plays basketball, rides on a bicycle, and lives a quite normal life. He taught himself to use echo location to navigate around the world. With no guide-dogs, he doesn't even need hands: he uses sound. Ben makes a short click sound that bounces back from objects. Amazingly, his ears pick up the ecos to let him know where the objects are. He's the only person in the world who sees using nothing but eco location, like a sonar or a dolphin.

3. The Rubberboy (Daniel Browning Smith)

Five time Guiness Record holder,The Rubberboy is the most flexible man alive and the most famous contortionist. He has been in many professional basketball or baseball games and on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, ESPN's Sports Center, Oprah Winfrey, Ripley's Believe It or Not, Cirque du Soleil, Best Damn Sports Show Period, The Discovery Channel, Men in Black 2, HBO's Carnivale, and CSI: NY and American got a talent.. He dislocates his arms to crawl through an unstrung tennis racquet. He performs contortion handstands and unique acrobatics.

4. Mister Eat-it-All (Michel Lotito)

Michel Lotito (born 1950) is a French entertainer, famous as the consumer of undigestables, and is known as Monsieur Mangetout (Mister Eat-it-all). Lotito's performances are the consumption of metal, glass, rubber and so on in items such as bicycles, televisions, a Cessna 150, and smaller items which are disassembled, cut-up and swallowed. The aircraft took roughly two years to be 'eaten' from 1978 to 1980. He began eating unusual material while a child and has been performing publicly since 1966. Lotito does not often suffer from ill-effects due to his diet, even after the consumption of materials usually considered poisonous. When performing he consumes around a kilogram of material daily, preceding it with mineral oil and drinking considerable quantities of water during the 'meal'. He apparently possesses a stomach and intestine with walls of twice the expected thickness, and his digestive acids are, allegedly, unusually powerful, allowing him to digest a certain portion of his metallic meals.

5. King Tooth (Rathakrishnan Velu)

On August 30, 2007, the eve of Malaysia's 50th Independence Day, Rathakrishnan Velu (or Raja Gigi, as he is known locally) broke his own world record for pulling train with his teeth, this time with 6 coaches attached weighing 297.1 tons over a distance of 2.8 metres at the Old Kuala Lumpur Railway Station. Raja Gigi, from Tampin in Malaysia learned a technique of concentrating his powers to any part of his body from an Indian guru at a young age of 14.

6. The Magnetic Man (Liew Thow Lin)

Liew Thow Lin, a 70-year-old retired contractor in Malaysia, recently made news for pulling a car twenty meters along a level surface by means of an iron chain hooked to an iron plate on his midriff. He says that he discovered he had the amazing ability to make objects stick "magnetically" to his skin, and now he's added car-pulling to his repertoire. After reading an article about a family in Taiwan who possessed such power, he says he took several iron objects and put them on his abdomen, and to his surprise, all the objects including an iron, stuck on his skin and didn't fall down. Since this "gift'' is also present in three of his sons and two grandchildren, he figures it's hereditary.

7. The Man who doesn't Sleep (Thai Ngoc)

Sixty-four-year-old Thai Ngoc, known as Hai Ngoc, said he could not sleep at night after getting a fever in 1973, and has counted infinite numbers of sheep during more than 11,700 consecutive sleepless nights. "I don't know whether the insomnia has impacted my health or not. But I'm still healthy and can farm normally like others," Ngoc said. Proving his health, the elderly resident of Que Trung commune, Que Son district said he can carry two 50kg bags of fertilizer down 4km of road to return home every day. His wife said, "My husband used to sleep well, but these days, even liquor cannot put him down." She said when Ngoc went to Da Nang for a medical examination, doctors gave him a clean bill of health, except a minor decline in liver function. Ngoc currently lives on his 5ha farm at the foot of a mountain busy with farming and taking care of pigs and chickens all day. His six children live at their house in Que Trung. Ngoc often does extra farm work or guards his farm at night to prevent theft, saying he used three months of sleepless nights to dig two large ponds to raise fish.

8. The Torture King (Tim Cridland)

Tim Cridland doesn't seem to feel pain like the rest of people. He astounded everyone by pushing needles into his arms without flinching and he now performs a terrifying act for audiences all over America. Scientific tests have shown that Tim can tolerate much higher levels of pain than are humanly possible. He explains that, by using mind over matter, he is able to push skewers through his body and put up with extreme heat and cold unharmed - but to do this safely he has extensively studied human anatomy, because puncturing an artery could be fatal.

9. The Lion Whisperer (Kevin Richardson)

Animal behaviourist Kevin Richardson says he relies on instinct to win the hearts and form an intimate bond with the big cats. He can spend the night curled up with them without the slightest fear of being attacked. His magic works not only work for lions but other animals such as cheetahs, leopards and even hyenas do not hold a threat against him. Lions are his favourites and its a wonder how he can play, carress, cuddle with them whose teeth are sharp enough to bite through thick steel. Its a dangerous job but to Kevin, its more of a passion for him.

10. The Eye-Popping Man (Claudio Pinto)

Claudio Pinto can pop both of his eyes 4 cm (about 1 and a half inch) or 95% out of their sockets. He's now aiming (poppin'?) for a world record. Mr Pinto has undergone various tests and doctors say they have never seen or heard of a person who can pop the eyes as much as him. Mr Pinto, from Belo Horizonte, said: "It is a pretty easy way to make money. "I can pop my eyes out four centimetres each, it is a gift from God, I feel blessed."

Friday, January 21, 2011

Profession gags -- just relax

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."

A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?"
"No," says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"They didn't ask!"

How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.

The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."
"Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

What is Globalization? (Just for Fun !)

Question: What is Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with
a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was high on
Scottish Wiskey, followed by Italian paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by
an Indian, using Bill Gates' technology which he stole
from the Japanese. And you are probably reading this
on one of the IBM clones that use `Taiwanese-made`
chips, and Korean made monitors, assembled by
Bangladeshi hijacked by Indonesians and finally sold
to you by China men!

That is Globalization!!!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

How to Tackle Telemarketers

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…" When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.

Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don’t have any friends…would you be my friend?"

If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?

After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can’t sell to employees.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some food.

Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell. If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don’t, ask them why not since it is such a great product.

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?"

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up …louder… louder… louder…

Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can call them back. If they say that they don’t give out their phone number or they don’t take calls, then ask for the caller’s personal phone number at home. If then they say that they don’t like being called at home, quickly say "Bingo!" and hang up.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Top Ten Rules of Email Etiquette

A Small but highly useful article by Paula Klee Parish

The below rules need to be remembered by all of us while writing emails....professional and personal!

There is a communication crisis occurring today. With the proliferation of text-speak and 140 character sentences, we have forgotten how to effectively communicate. For example, what happened to the professionally written email to a customer or even a colleague? For that matter, what happened to grammar and proper usage?

With the advent of hand held electronic devices and text messaging, we have somehow allowed ourselves to fall into the trap of “everything for the sake of speed and convenience.” So what happens now? Do we shorten our speech so that we speak in abbreviated words and abbreviated sentences?

I thought this might be a good time to reaffirm some of the basic rules with the focus on writing and responding to E-Mails

To begin with a summary…Treat e-mails the same as a business letter. Include a short greeting [hi], even if the message has been going back and forth for several rounds. Remind employees that, while it is fine to use emotional icons in their personal e-mails, these are far too cute to be included in business e-mails.

I am starting with my own pet-peeve:

1. Read before sending and fix your mistakes.

Every time you send a message with errors in spelling, punctuation, or grammar you are letting people know that you do not care about the quality of your work or the reputation of your organization.

2. Ignore the mistakes of others.

It is petty to criticize mistakes such as incorrect spelling. It can cause an embarrassing situation and/or invite nasty reprisals. Fix the errors before replying or sending the e-mail on to others. Be kind.

3. Do not e-mail when angry or upset.

Take ten and breathe. Remember, perception is subjective. What you perceive may not be what the sender intended. Calm down before responding to a message that offends you.

What you send cannot be taken pack, so wait and then be polite. Avoid accusations and using abusive language. Words such as: please, sorry, and thank you project a positive and productive image.

4. Expect your message to go public.

Private e-mail is an oxymoron. It’s like saying one is a little bit pregnant; it does not happen. Security administrators have access to it, and recipients might send it to others. Keep that in mind when you are writing. Pretend that every e-mail is a memo that might be posted on a bulletin board in the hall of your organization.

5. Send request in time.

When it is necessary to request help or support, or introduce a problem, do not wait until the last minute. Last minute messages frustrate and alienate people. E-mail can take minutes or hours to arrive, so plan ahead.

6. Respond immediately or make a note to respond soon.

Respond to e-mail as you should to phone messages. If you need time to think about your response or time to gather information, let the sender know that you will get back to them.

7. Be Brief.

E-mails have basically replaced memos and letters, but they are getting longer and longer. Use bullets where you can. Keep your message short and to the point. We receive many e-mails each day; we respond faster when messages are brief.

8. If the message must be long, start with requests and guide lines.

We tend to read the first few lines of a message thoroughly and browse through the rest. If you require a quick response, say so in the first few lines. If your message is long, start with a summary paragraph.

9. Write a good subject line.

Let the receiver know what to expect. A good subject line flags interest, and it makes it easier to find days later. The subject line is the true reason you are sending the e-mail.

10. Type like you would a letter.

E-mails can be difficult to read. Use short paragraphs and always put blank lines between paragraphs. Avoid all capital letters [SHOUT], emotional icons [ :) ], unique abbreviations [lol], and excessive punctuation [!!!!]. Yes, I am guilty here too.

When should we not use e-mail?

Either make a phone call of visit in person to talk when:

  1. Emotions are high
  2. The message is delicate
  3. Too many misunderstanding are occurring
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