A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."
A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?"
"No," says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"They didn't ask!"
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.
The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."
"Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"