I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation she happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the ER right away.
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Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plant and home.
When they took it for a float on the Stilliguamish River, they were quite surprised by a coast guard helicopter that was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the problem: a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.
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A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.
"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself.
He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.
"Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway. Now, if only I could find my parakeet."
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Years ago while lying in my hammock I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next door neighbor's 10 year old daughter's rabbit.
For years I had watched her come home from school and head straight out to it's cage, free it and play with it in the yard. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast.
The rabbit was dirty, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its grooming I jumped the fence and replaced it back in its cage hoping its death would be written off as "natural causes". Back to the hammock.
Within the hour the neighbors Volvo pulled in as usual and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed: "DDDDAAAADDDDYYYY!"
Her father panic stricken stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do.
Her father less than calmly blurted, "What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in it's cage??"
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Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made.
But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin. Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA's response was just one sentence, "Thaw the chicken."
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