Run Around the jungle........

Before the story begins


Marijuana: The most commonly used illicit drug; considered a soft drug, it consists of the dried leaves of the hemp plant; smoked or chewed for euphoric effect

Opium: An addictive narcotic extracted from seed capsules of the opium poppy

Heroin: A narcotic that is considered a hard drug; a highly addictive morphine derivative; intravenous injection provides the fastest and most intense rush


Now carry on with story


A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers...... .....

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"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours
every time he's high on cocaine!".....

Can u Believe How People Live Like This?

The Teacup

There was a couple who used to go to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke.


"You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay." My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "let me alone", but he only smiled, "Not yet."


"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!" I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet."


Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as He shook his head, "Not yet."


Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. "There, that's better," I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. "Stop it, stop it!" I cried. He only nodded, "Not yet."


Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, "Not yet."


Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, "Look at yourself." And I did. I said, "That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful."


"I want you to remember," then, he said, "I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.


I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life.


And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you."


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God knows what He's doing (for all of us).He is the Potter, and we are His clay.


He will mold us and make us, So that we may be made into a flawless piece of work To fulfill His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

The Best 50 of Murphy's Law

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.


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Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.


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Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.


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Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.


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If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.


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The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.


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The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.


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An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.


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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.


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All great discoveries are made by mistake.


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Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.


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Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.


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All's well that ends.


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A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.


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The first myth of management is that it exists.


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A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.


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New systems generate new problems.


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To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.


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We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.


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Any given program, when running, is obsolete.


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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.


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A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.


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The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.


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Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.


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Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.


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The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.


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To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.


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After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.


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Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.


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A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.


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If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.


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Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.


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Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."


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Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.


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If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.


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The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.


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In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.


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Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.


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All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.


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The only perfect science is hind-sight.


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Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.


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If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.


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If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.


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When all else fails, read the instructions.


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If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.


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Everything that goes up must come down.


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Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.


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Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.


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Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.


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The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.


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Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

Dalai lama's instructions for life

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. Many of lifes' failures are people who did not realize how close to success they were, when they gave up !!!

funny 10 phone answering mesaages

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling..... and I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slow. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back .

If Airlines Were Based on Operating Systems

UNIX Airways



Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport.



They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece,



arguing nonstop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.




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Air DOS



Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on.




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Mac Airlines



All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same.



Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.




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Windows Air



The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth takeoff. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.




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Windows NT Air



Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.




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Linux Air



Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline.



They build the planes and ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves.



They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench, and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html.



Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"




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Murphy's Laws of Parenting

1. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.

2. An alarm clock is a device for waking people up, who don't have small kids.

3. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

4. Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.

5. Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

6. Children don't sleep ... They recharge.

7. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

8. Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

9. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.

10. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.

11. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

12. Kids really brighten a household. They never turn off any lights.

13. Leakproof thermoses - will.

14. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.

15. Shouting to make your kids obey is like using the horn to steer your car and you get about the same results!

16. Sick children recover miraculously when the doctor enters the treatment room.

17. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

18. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.

19. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

20. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over "whose day it is to take out the trash" ends.

21. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

22. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.

23. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.

24. There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and their mother's age.

25. Trying to dress an active little one is like trying to thread a sewing machine while it's running.

26. We childproofed our home three years ago and they're still getting in!

27. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then, you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

28. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.

29. Your children may leave home, but their stuff will be in your attic and basement forever.

North Indian Wife Vs South Indian Wife

*** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE ***

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo Gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.

5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair.

7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.

8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south India until she met you.

10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to " walk out"

11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.

12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"


*** WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE ***

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University .

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)

5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.

7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the dog or for herself.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.

10. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

11. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')

12. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.

13. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it ..

14. Her Mangal Sutra weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.

15. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.

Ultimate Goal for Microsoft

Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows 2k Family, Windows XP Family, Windows 2003 Family, Windows Vista Family, Windows 2008 and the new one, yet to be launched is Windows 7. These are the windows you might have seen in your life span if you use Window based computers.

Do you know what is the Ultimate goal of Microsoft ?

See this image below, which is said to be the Latest version of windows.

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National Geographic's Best Pictures of the Year...

HOW TO STAY AWAKE IN MEETINGS? - Just in jest

How to stay awake in meetings

Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

synergy	revisit	benchmark	fast track	touch base
strategic fit	expeditious	value-added	result-driven	mindset
core competencies	to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")	proactive	empower (or empowerment)	client focus(ed)
best practice	24/7	win-win	knowledge base	paradigm
bottom line	out of the loop	think outside the box	at the end of the day	game plan

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"

Testimonials from satisfied "Bull shit Bingo" players:

"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam, Atlanta

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David, Florida

"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan, New York City

"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben, Denver
"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time in two hours." - Paul, Cleveland

Think Out Of Box...

Many years ago, somewhere in a small village, a farmer had the misfortune Of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer’s beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer’s debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.

So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let LUCK decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would Have to pick one pebble from the bag.

1. If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven.
2. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven.
3. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer’s field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble (Her father will be thrown in jail)
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat (but the money will still be owed)
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment (Girl will have to marry the cruel lender)

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.

What would you recommend to the Girl to do?

GIVE UP?

Well, here is what she did ....

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path Where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the Bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.”

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

Moral of the Story: Most complex problems do have a solution. If only we Think Logically and Out of the Box.

Meeting with Most Dangerous Animals